Machines
by poor-person27
Summary: Sam has do the hardest thing she could ever think of: say goodbye to Jack.


**Author**: PoorPerson27

**Rating**: Not sure but PG-13 to be safe

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Stargate, if I did Sam and Jack would have got together a long time ago.

**Spoilers**: None that I can think of

**Season**: Could be any as long as Janet's still around

**Summery**: Sam has to say goodbye to Jack

**Author's notes**: Just a random little one shot that came to me after listening to the Biffy Clyro song "Machines". May be slightly depressing, you have been warned!

Sam never thought this day would come; well not for many many years when they were both old and grey. Sure, their job seemed dangerous but against all the odds SG-1 had always managed to get out of even the most impossible situation. SG-1 had always been the exception to the rule, the one team that could be counted upon to return; even if each of the members were a little battered, bruised and beaten up. Then on that fateful day, the day that Sam still couldn't quite comprehend all that had changed. SG-1's name was added to the ever growing list of units that had lost a member.

_I would dig a thousand holes to lay next to you  
I would dig a thousand more if I needed to_

When she had first met him she knew that he was going to be a challenge; little did she know just how much of a challenge knowing Jack O'Neill was going to be. The chemistry between them was instant and towards the end became impossible to ignore. She would literally go to hell and back for this man, and had done on numerous occasions. She was his second in command; it was her job to watch his six; a job she should have been more attentive at on the day he'd been taken from her. Her mind had not been on the job but instead on the argument they'd had that morning, Daniel and Teal'c have tried to comfort her and tell her there was nothing more she could have done but they just didn't understand. If she could have one more moment with him she'd go back to that morning when they were lay in bed together and have her last words to him be words of love rather than hurt and anger.

_I look around the grave for an escape route of old routines  
There doesn't seem to be any other way  
_

Perhaps if they hadn't fought that morning she wouldn't be standing at his grave side today burying the man that she loved. Until faced with his coffin and funeral Sam had been in a state of denial over the whole incident still certain that Jack would somehow come knocking on her door with pizza and a movie or yet another Simpson's DVD like he did most nights. His clothes were still in her wash basket or thrown on the floor where she'd ripped them off during their last night together; his last night alive. His toothbrush and razor still in her bathroom cupboard and the half eaten box of cereal that Sam had brought specially for him sat on her kitchen counter. Even stood there, watching his body being lowered into the ground she still half expected him to walk up to them and ask why everyone was so upset.

_Cause I've started falling apart I'm not savouring life  
I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive  
_

Whenever she closed her eyes she could see the moment that Jack hit the ground, the look of shock palpable on his face. In that moment Sam's heart had stopped and had yet to start again. She was silently falling apart, those closest to her could see it, it was like Sam was walking around on autopilot just waiting for Jack to return. Of course nobody quite knew what exactly Sam had lost as nobody aside from Jack and Sam had known that their relationship was anything other than platonic. Everyone knew that Sam had lost a good friend but in actual fact Sam had lost her confidante, best friend, lover and soul mate and that fact was killing her.

_Crazy as it sounds you wont feel as low as you feel right now  
At least that's what I've been told by everyone_

After her mother had died people had told Sam that things would get easier but now the pain of having two people she loved ripped away from her was nearly unbearable. Sam wasn't sure that she could get through losing Jack, she wasn't even sure if she wanted too as moving on meant letting him go and that was something she never wanted to do. Daniel, Janet, Teal'c and even General Hammond had been especially supportive and caring towards her since Jack had been taken away from her; they all thought that knew what she was going through and how to help her but the pain she was feeling was 100 times greater than anything they could even imagine. They had all told her that the pain would go away; that she would feel happy again but looking at his grave Sam couldn't believe them.

_I whisper empty sounds in your ear and hope that you won't let go  
Take the pieces and build them skywards  
_

Nobody apart from Sam knew what exactly had happened to Jack; Teal'c had been helping Daniel translate so ruins whilst Jack and Sam had been setting up a perimeter for camp. The next thing Daniel and Teal'c had heard was an explosion coming from the direction Jack and Sam were in, by the time they'd got to their friends they were too late, Sam was sat in a small crater cradling Jack's already dead body. It had taken only minutes for Daniel and Teal'c to reach their fallen comrade but to Sam it had felt like hours. Jack and Sam had been working in silence, both still angry with the other over the morning's argument. Sam had looked up to see what Jack was doing just as he stepped on a particularly flat, round rock which turned out to be a landmine which threw Jack 10 feet into the air.

Jack's devastated body landed with a thump 20 feet away from Sam, a look of shock on his face. She had rushed over to him but knew that it was already too late to save him. Sam cradled his head in her lap and stroked is soft hair, whispering that she was sorry over and over again and telling him not to leave her even though she knew in her heart that he already had.

_Cause I've started falling apart I'm not savouring life  
I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive  
_

It took the superhuman force of Teal'c to prise Sam away from Jack, when she was removed from Jack Sam felt like half of her was missing; the one tenuous connection she'd had left with Jack O'Neill was now gone. She had allowed herself to be lead back to the Stargate by Daniel whilst Teal'c carried the limp body. Sam just felt numb, she could not believe what had happened and refused to talk about it with anyone. In fact since losing Jack she'd barely spoke at all. Sam didn't know how to move on from losing the only man she had ever allowed herself to love but she knew she'd have to. Jack O'Neill would be looking down on her from heaven and he wouldn't want her to throw her life away over him, no matter how appealing that thought was to her at this present moment in time. She would go on fighting in his name but for now she had to grieve.

_I've started falling apart I'm not savouring life  
Take the pieces and build them skywards  
I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive  
Take the pieces and build them skywards _

I've started falling apart I'm not savouring life  
Take the pieces and build them skywards  
I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive  
Take the pieces and build them skywards

Take the pieces and build them skywards  
and  
Take the pieces and build them skywards  
and  
Take the pieces and build them up to the sky. 

- - - - - - -

Thanks for taking the time to read, please review and if you've never listened to this song please do it's awesome


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